Worst. Grownup. Ever.

I am, often, a bad grown up. One of the reasons I am a bad grown up is because I am bad at paying bills. It is not always because I don’t have the money (although that has certainly happened before) but is most often because I am irresponsible and forget.

Yet another incident that makes me the Worst. Grown-up. Ever………….

Roomie and I get home the other night (we carpool to and from work, which I’ve now learned is called ride-sharing when you’re a grown up. Carpooling is for kids, but I like the idea of carpooling better because I think the difference between carpooling and ride sharing is snacks and juice boxes. And sometimes we have snacks and juice boxes in the Yaris.) I digress………

We get home and Roomie is the first one in the door. She turns on the light switch…… and nothing happens. So I search through the darkness for an electric bill and can’t find one. I walk to my mail box (which I never check because I am a bad grown up. I was once put on mail restriction because my mail box got so full and my mail person was so irritated with me. I had to go to the post office to pick my mail up and re-activate my mail drop offs. Did I learn my lesson? No) and retrieve two weeks’ worth of mail. Sure enough, I have a past due electric bill.

So I call the electric company and play dumb like I can’t imagine why my electric is not working. He asked if I was aware that I am a month late on my bill and I say, “Who ME?!?! Are you sure? Can you check your records again? I could have sworn I paid that two weeks ago.” Right.

So he says that I have to come up with the entire past due amount in order to have electricity restored. Oh, AND I cannot make a payment over the phone, I have to bring CASH to a KIOSK (I hate that word and I don’t know why) at a payment center. And my bill? $361. Thank you Phoenix summers that last until November.

So I’m freaking out. I don’t have $361 and I don’t know what to do. My first thought is to light a fire in the middle of my floor and dress like a hobo because surely my life is over and the next step in my irresponsibility is homelessness. I figure I may as well start now. Luckily, Roomie pointed out that we have hardwood floors and that starting a fire on them is probably not a good idea.

Then, my phone rings again. It is a Phoenix number that I do not recognize. I pick it up. It is the electric man who tells me that the deposit I made on the electric account when I moved to my condo is abnormally high (around $400) and that I really only need an $80 deposit. Would I like him to apply my deposit, minus the $80, to my past due amount and restore electricity immediately? Um, YEAH?!?!?!?!

I was elated, but after such a stressful experience I did what any normal person would do. I went to the grocery store and bought wine and candy.

A bottle of wine, some candles, some mike and ikes and a few volts of electricity later, we were back to normal.

Phew.