I am hiding today.
I decided this week that I need to have
my condo sprayed for bugs.
The weather is going to be
warming up here in Phoenix soon
and I am a strong believer in
bug preventive maintenance.
My condo has a bug man
who comes every Friday,
and you just have to add
your name to the list of
condos if you want a visit from him.
Allow me to digress; I have issues with people being in my home if it's not perfectly clean. I've even banned family members and friends from entering at times if it is not meeting my standards (sorry Bee, mom and Julie. They have all been victims of my clean floors neurosis). It's not about THEM, I know they don't care if I have dishes in the sink, it's about ME. I feel like I fail as an adult if someone sees my home when it is less than stellar.
Anyway, I went to a Buzzcation
{Look up the word 'buzzcation'
on Urban Dictionary.
I know the person who
invented the phrase.
It's very clever. :)}
last night to socialize
and put together care
packages for Haitians.
I got home at 8 fully intending
to clean my floors
(the last of my tasks before
my house was 'stranger ready')
but arrived home and saw that
Roomie was already asleep.
I didn't want to be rude and
wake her up with my floor scrubbing,
so I decided to do the
floors first thing in the morning
before bug man arrived.
Then I started watching Lost online.
Until 3 am.
Because that's what you do
when you don't have to work the next day.
Duh.
I woke up this morning
(ok, this afternoon)
to the bug man
pounding on my door.
I just pretended I wasn't home.
Because that is what
responsible adults do.
But NOW I am kind of stuck
here because the management
company's office is right across
from my condo and if I leave my
condo the management person will be all,
"Hey biznitch!
Why did you pretend
to be asleep when bug man
knocked on your door?
Was it because you have
DUSTY FLOORS?!?!?!?
I know it is you
BAD GROWN UP
who didn't wake up
early this morning
to do the floors!"
So that is why I am hiding.
At least until I work up
the courage to leave the condo
so that I can go to yoga at 4:15.
Wish me luck.
If no one sees me this weekend
know that I've gone completely off
the deep end and am
probably hiding in my
closet, rocking back and forth
eating uncooked ramen noodles.
Or something.
I'm going to watch Oprah now.
She does not hide, I bet.
7 comments:
Walk out your front door, march to the front desk and say, "Bizitch, (cause I know you like that word) why didn't the bug man come today?? Oh he did? I must have been working out with my headphones on, or in the shower. Bummer, I really wanted to catch him, when can he come back??
Taylor, this is HILARIOUS!! and I think Kathy has a great idea, I certainly hope you don't end up having to go out the window, although that would be a good yoga warm up anyway.
ewww bugs! good for you for staying on top of it, it's better than having to deal with an infestation later! and hiding out? do it - sometimes everyone needs a little time away, even oprah :)
This is probably one of the most hilarious posts I've ever read. Tay, you crack me up... and I used to feel the same way, if my apartment wasn't spotless I didn't want people over!
You know what cured me of that?? Living with a messy boy!
hahaha. this post has me laughing. don't ever live in the caribbean where the floors are white tile and are NEVER clean, even a minute after you've cleaned them. it is enough to drive a girl mad.
i bet that oprah does hide from the bugman. in fact - i am sure of it. either that or wakes steadman up at 6am to dust the floors. then she can open the doors her own self.
@Anynonymous Stedman? Where have you been? Everyone knows Oprah and Gayle are punchin' the kitty! (sorry, old college expression)
Anywho.. Taylor, did you know that I clean my house BEFORE the maid comes over? Uh huh, it's true. We're alot alike...
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Holler.