Feb 5, 2010

I'm hiding I'm hiding

I am hiding today. 
I decided this week that I need to have
 my condo sprayed for bugs. 
The weather is going to be 
warming up here in Phoenix soon
 and I am a strong believer in 
bug preventive maintenance. 
My condo has a bug man 
who comes every Friday, 
and you just have to add
 your name to the list of 
condos if you want a visit from him. 

Allow me to digress; I have issues with people being in my home if it's not perfectly clean. I've even banned family members and friends from entering at times if it is not meeting my standards (sorry Bee, mom and Julie. They have all been victims of my clean floors neurosis). It's not about THEM, I know they don't care if I have dishes in the sink, it's about ME. I feel like I fail as an adult if someone sees my home when it is less than stellar.

Anyway, I went to a Buzzcation 
{Look up the word 'buzzcation' 
on Urban Dictionary. 
I know the person who 
invented the phrase. 
It's very clever. :)} 
last night to socialize 
and put together care 
packages for Haitians. 
I got home at 8 fully intending
 to clean my floors 
(the last of my tasks before 
my house was 'stranger ready')
 but arrived home and saw that
 Roomie was already asleep. 
I didn't want to be rude and 
wake her up with my floor scrubbing, 
so I decided to do the 
floors first thing in the morning
 before bug man arrived. 
Then I started watching Lost online. 
Until 3 am. 
Because that's what you do
 when you don't have to work the next day. 
Duh. 
I woke up this morning 
(ok, this afternoon)
 to the bug man 
pounding on my door. 
I just pretended I wasn't home. 
Because that is what
 responsible adults do.
 But NOW I am kind of stuck
 here because the management
 company's office is right across 
from my condo and if I leave my
 condo the management person will be all,
 "Hey biznitch! 
Why did you pretend 
to be asleep when bug man
 knocked on your door? 
Was it because you have 
DUSTY FLOORS?!?!?!? 
I know it is you 
BAD GROWN UP 
who didn't wake up
 early this morning 
to do the floors!" 
So that is why I am hiding. 
At least until I work up 
the courage to leave the condo
 so that I can go to yoga at 4:15. 
Wish me luck. 
If no one sees me this weekend 
know that I've gone completely off
 the deep end and am 
probably hiding in my 
closet, rocking back and forth
 eating uncooked ramen noodles. 
Or something. 

I'm going to watch Oprah now. 
She does not hide, I bet.

7 comments:

Kathy said...

Walk out your front door, march to the front desk and say, "Bizitch, (cause I know you like that word) why didn't the bug man come today?? Oh he did? I must have been working out with my headphones on, or in the shower. Bummer, I really wanted to catch him, when can he come back??

Summer said...

Taylor, this is HILARIOUS!! and I think Kathy has a great idea, I certainly hope you don't end up having to go out the window, although that would be a good yoga warm up anyway.

Meg said...

ewww bugs! good for you for staying on top of it, it's better than having to deal with an infestation later! and hiding out? do it - sometimes everyone needs a little time away, even oprah :)

Phoenix said...

This is probably one of the most hilarious posts I've ever read. Tay, you crack me up... and I used to feel the same way, if my apartment wasn't spotless I didn't want people over!

You know what cured me of that?? Living with a messy boy!

abby said...

hahaha. this post has me laughing. don't ever live in the caribbean where the floors are white tile and are NEVER clean, even a minute after you've cleaned them. it is enough to drive a girl mad.

Anonymous said...

i bet that oprah does hide from the bugman. in fact - i am sure of it. either that or wakes steadman up at 6am to dust the floors. then she can open the doors her own self.

Tony said...

@Anynonymous Stedman? Where have you been? Everyone knows Oprah and Gayle are punchin' the kitty! (sorry, old college expression)
Anywho.. Taylor, did you know that I clean my house BEFORE the maid comes over? Uh huh, it's true. We're alot alike...

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