Nov 16, 2010

karma

Remember when I hid from the bug man? Well, I never did have him come back. So much for preventive maintenance. I got in the shower last week (this is one the traumatic things that happened to me that I said I would discuss with you in my last post), picked up my loofah and a motherfuckingcockroachjumpedontomyBOOB! 

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Are you done screaming/convulsing/running around the room in a hot panic? 

No? Still going? Ok. 

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, now that we've calmed down....... I shall continue. 

In the .42 seconds it took for me to figure out what was going on and kill the cockroach, I contemplated the following options;

-run out of the shower and house to get as far away as possible from the pervy cockroach. naked. 

-immediately run to the kitchen to boil bleach for a boiling bleach bath/steel wool exfoliation to ensure all cockroach germs are gone. 

- suicide by a combination of drinking my medicated shampoo (my scalp gets itchy sometimes. don't judge)/hanging myself with my shower curtain/slitting wrists with Shick Quattro to ensure a speedy death and relief from the image of a cockroach on my left boob. 

These are the other thoughts racing through my crazy little brain; If I breastfeed my future children from that side, will they turn into cockroaches? Is my implant just going to deflate because it is so grossed out that it was near a cockroach? I would, if I were an implant. {in my head, implants have brains} Am I going to think of this incident every time a guy feels me up? Not that I'm felt up often, but it does happen from time to time. {sorry mom and grandma} I can see it now!

Dream Date: smoochXOsmoochXOsmooch.

Tay: Um, you might want to steer clear of the left one. A cockroach jumped on it this one time.

Dream Date: I have to go home now.

Tay: Sad face.

Moving on. 

After scouring myself with hot water, a washcloth (loofah went in the trash, natch) and antibacterial soap, I called Orkin. They said they would come to my house Monday morning and they NO SHOWED!!! 
Karma, people. Karma. 

{side note, Orkin is not the company I called before when I didn't answer the door, so it's not like they knew that I sometimes don't answer the door for bug people.}

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Now, for some random weekend photos. 

Funniest card ever, right? 
photo(93)

Would you like to live in my glitter globe? I will let you. 
photo(94)

I grew this lettuce! Straight from Dothager Acre. It tastes so delicious. 
photo(95)

Next project.........
photo(92)

SO excited to be an apiarist.

3 comments:

wilybrunette said...

oh man. you handled the cockroach better than i would have, that's for sure.

Kara said...

Oh.

My.

God.

You can't be serious about the boob roach. THAT IS STRAIGHT UP HORRIFYING.

SM said...

I didn't use my loofah today, I got sicked out when i looked at it. I am sorry you had one touch your boob. If it makes you feel better I almost stepped on a dead snake today, barefoot (yes I said almost). It was still terrifying.

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